01-Apr-2024 My mum's eyes

#Cambridge English Exam

It's been about a month since I started taking Cambridge English Exam class.
It's liturally REALLY HARD for me, especially Listening and Reading.

As my readers know, of course, I do like reading.
That doesn't mean I am good at reading, but I enjoy reading.
I tend to read a book slowly and closely. Because I like thinking as reading.

However, reading for exam is absolutely, totally, and utterly unenjoyable.
Since catching up with C1 level is my goal this year, I have no choice but have to.
And I earned by myself, not being paid from my parents, and came here.

 

#Mother

I've got some bad news from my younger brother "Jeong" when I arrived in Edinburgh as travelling.
I got on the bus with my friends and I started to make a phone call to him.

I had no idea, but Jeong had our mum's mobile.
I was thinking "There seems to be a problem to my mum"
Because she always keep texting us no matter the time.
Until then, I had no idea what I was going to hear from him.

"Her eyes got blind"
I felt like I'd been hit like a ton of bricks by someone.
Because my mum could see clearly at least until last week.

I heard it from Jeong, the doctor said that her blood vessels to her eyes were clogged due to diabetes.
As far as I know, she couldn't have controled her blood sugar by herself.
There is no one who can look after her.

My older brother and youger brother, they both are leading busy lives.
To make matters worse, I'm here in the UK for a long time.

No one who takes care about my mum.
Yes, of course, she's been living with a monk who she admires.
Persnal thinking, however, he is a bit fanatical follower.

He says "We will be healthy and restored by Buddha's holy power." all the time.
He's not helpful at all.
I dont know what to do now, probably nothing that I can do for her.

Apparently, my mum's mental health was absolutely shattered to pieces. 
I thought, once, "What if she died before I go to Korea?"

Ah, I started feeling endless sadness, again.
I know that everything's going to be fine some day, but, um, you know,
I'm, yeah, sad.

I don't really want to be sad actually, but I don't have any other options, unfortunatelly.
That's our fate to feel never-end sorrowful if we are human anyway.

Hopefully, my mum will be better soon, hopefully..

Feeling like, there is not much more time for us to see with each other.
Would I be crying when my mum died?
People are meant to be crying when their relates die.

But, to be honest, I don't really know how I would feel about my family's death.
It'll probably be painful, huh? Bugger.

I should go to sleep now. A bit tired.
Lots things to do lately.